Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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