I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
