If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its not stalking. its research.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
