She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
