The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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