I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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