So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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