very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
