I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
