two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
