if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
