so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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