It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
