i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
