Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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