I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
