the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
