im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
