Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
