he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
