You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
