White coat. Heels.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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