I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
