Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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