I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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