No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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