how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
