A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
did i just pee glitter
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
