It's Friday. Sex?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
