Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
