yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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