Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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