she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
