You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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