he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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