apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
