I cockslap morals
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize