And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
