The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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