if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Randomize