sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
