I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize