Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
