wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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