um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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