I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
