i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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