Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
