You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
