make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
