So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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