Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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