I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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