I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
