yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
