Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
