mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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