that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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