if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
