and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
so much tequila, so little girl.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
