Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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