distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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