it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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