im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
