Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
