see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
