I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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