dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
