Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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