I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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