He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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