from now on my penis is your penis
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
