my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
