She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
