Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
