i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I need a beard to bite.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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