And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
