This is not my ceiling
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
