I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize