i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He has the fingertips of a God
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