A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
