just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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