You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
there is another microwave in the elevator.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
