I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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