Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
