College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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