why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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