What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
