Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
