Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
