drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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