So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
