I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize