Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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