when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
